Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
