Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
