Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
