I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
