Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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