Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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