I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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