His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
