I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
