hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
