In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
