Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
two words...techno handjob
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
