My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
