I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
