so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize