oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
