she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille