she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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