he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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