Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
