we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
