a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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