whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
