So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
