I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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