Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
