It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
