Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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