I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All the doctor said was why
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
