Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
