wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
