if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize