Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
