so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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