just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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