This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
