it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
