my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
