Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
