my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
