Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
