Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
this is an emotional support booty call
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
