Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
