JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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