I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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