I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
