you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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