my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
