Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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