and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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