If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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