So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
