I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
