It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
