look no pants
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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