Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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