During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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