I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
