yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
