p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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