Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
