Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
