One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
