I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
