You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize