I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
